The women just might need to pack up and go home at this point. Thank god somebody at The Celebrity Apprentice had the forethought to mix the teams up. I’m not sure the women had a shot on their own.
After this episode, titled “Candy for a Billionaire,” it’s just plain clear that they are the weaker team, but they could have helped themselves a little. Put your foot down, ladies, and do the job you’re given. I swear, this episode sets women back 70 years.
Challenge #1: Kawasaki Campaign
For the teams’ first challenge of this episode, they need to sell Kawasaki motorcycles by executing a campaign that will sell the vehicles in a creative way but also that will sell to their newly targeted demographic. That’s a thinly veiled way to say that they want to sell to anybody who’s not a man.
Carson steps up as project manager for the men’s team, and his idea immediately lands on a “tasteful nude” with “a drag queen.” Some of the guys are balking at the drag queen, but then words like “inclusivity” and “diversity” get thrown around and all is well.
Carson volunteers for the “tasteful nude” portion of the photo shoot, and it’s total comedy. He’s really a funny dude. Somebody, give this man his own show. Next, here comes the most fabulous drag queen you’ve ever seen, selling the hell out of a Kawasaki bike. Shut up and take my money right now.
Kyle is the project manager for the ladies, and she’s got a lot to prove. They’ve lost three out of the four challenges, and a good bit of those challenges were her ideas. They are taking a “women in power” tactic, in which they want to showcase the women on the bikes.
Most of their shots tell a pretty straightforward story: women are bike riders too. Brooke’s husband, David Charvet, shows up, dragging his knuckles, pounding his chest and acting like he’s too manly to play a part. This man actually refuses to get on the back of the bike with his wife driving. He’s not even trying to pretend he’s not a sexist jerk, although Brooke just calls it “macho.” You gotta wonder what things are like at their house?
Challenge #2: See’s Candies and Warren Buffett
Thank you, baby Jesus in the manger, that the Governator makes some changes to the gender-based teams. Finally, the women might have a chance. Now that the teams are shaken up, they have to make a new flavor for See’s Candies for Warren Buffett himself.
Vince and Ricky are the project managers for their respective teams, and it’s more about fundraising than it is about the actual chocolate challenge. Who knew Vince Neil was a master at asking folks for money? He kills it.
Ricky’s team is a little less organized when it comes to raising money, and he turns his attention to “great quality chocolate” instead of begging his friends and family for money. I’ll admit, all I can think about during this challenge is how much I would give to be in that tasting room. I want to shove cashew brittle and dark chocolate into my mouth and boss folks around.
The storefront is a big hit, mostly because Boy George is giving away free hugs. Of course, his Twitter followers are gonna turn out to paw all over him. Also, it never hurts when a handful of strippers shows up with an envelope with $100,000.
The Governator couldn’t miss the opportunity to tease Carson a little about his nude, reminding him that the “camera adds 10 pounds.” He then turns his attention to Brooke and scolds her a little for letting her husband act like a dick, voicing every female viewer’s opinion.
The advisers have a hard time saying “Alaska Thunderf***” in reference to their drag queen star, but it’s fun to watch them kick it around. The women lose points for playing it safe and mostly for not forcing the Neanderthal David Charvet onto the back of the bike. Douche.
After a very close decision, the women lose again. Again! But Kawasaki has donated money to both charities, as a nod to both teams’ efforts. It’s just a bummer for the ladies because they’ve been losing a lot; it’s getting kind of demoralizing.
By this time in the episode, the drama has been dialed way down. Everybody, including the audience, is just ready to get it done. In the boardroom, Vince and his team have raised the most money and Warren Buffett likes their candy better. That means that Vince’s charity just got a boatload of money. Sometimes, reality shows aren’t the worst.
The losing team, Team Arete, didn’t do as much research as the other team and just didn’t raise as much money either. In fact, Arnold calls Jon Lovitz on the carpet for raising a paltry $500. That’s kind of pathetic, considering Boy George raised over $100,000 and he wasn’t even the project manager.
It’s such a close competition that they have to really break it down and look so closely at the details for the first boardroom. When it comes down to it, though, it’s Brooke’s jerky, sexist husband who lost the competition for them, yet she’s not taking any responsibility. Arnold isn’t budging about the misogynist theme of Brooke’s picture, and he says he’d have gotten on the back on the bike all day.
Kyle brings Brooke and Porsha back into the boardroom, but ultimately it’s Kyle who gets terminated. She’s got to get to the chopper.
In the second boardroom, Jon and Laila get called back, and they go shot for shot, defending themselves against getting fired. Jon raised so little money, but Laila picked the candy.
After too much back and forth, Jon Lovitz get terminated. It’s kind of sad because he’s been wildly underutilized this whole season.
Why do you think the women couldn’t win when they were a team? Do you think they’ll be better on the new teams? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.
The Celebrity Apprentice season 8 airs Mondays at 8/7c on NBC.
(Image courtesy of NBC)