Even though the ratings might not be up to the President-elect’s standards, the second episode of The Celebrity Apprentice season 8, titled “Fire Up That Chopper,” delivers an okay amount of drama. The advisers this time include health expert and celebrity chef Rocco DiSpirito and digital influencer (whatever that is) Justine Ezarik. The Governator’s nephew and top aide Patrick Knapp Schwarzenegger is lurking around too but doesn’t really do a whole lot of “top aiding.”
Challenge #1: Live Health Segment
The teams must produce a live 8-10 minute health segment in which they have to hock Welch’s grape juice (more on this later). The ladies are operating from a place of fear after losing two challenges in a row. And the men are really feeling themselves after winning two straight challenges.
The women’s concept of a daytime talk show, Get the Juice, errs on the side of complicated and not practical enough. Rocco warns them they need to be funny, but Laila decides, “Nah … laughing is overrated,” and they carry on with the world’s driest talk show.
With all of Laila’s frowning and mean mugging, Brooke is right — they absolutely did earn that giant glass of chardonnay. After all, their show was just meh.
The men take a different tact and decide to use the “healthy dad” angle. There’s far less tension and backbiting, but I have a feeling it has less to do with team selection and far more to do with the arrogance from their two wins.
The men’s live segment is still talk show adjacent, but the energy is up and Carson as host is an inspired choice. Jon Lovitz does stand-up, there’s a food tasting and even an exercise. I’d watch the men’s show over the ladies’ any day.
Challenge #2: Viral Video
For this challenge, teams have to produce a viral video for King’s Hawaiian BBQ sauce (see below for rant). Snooki (she doesn’t like to be called that anymore, but I’ll continue to do so for clarity) is the project manager for the ladies and Matt for the men.
Poor Snooki is in a little over her head with all the women turning to her for guidance. She gets overwhelmed and her little voice gets lost among Porsha’s bitching and griping. The decision to dump barbecue sauce on the unsuspecting extra turns the mood around a little, but their video still falls a little flat.
Boy George flips his diva switch but blames the heat and his make-up for his pissy attitude. While the men shoot in a park in the sweltering heat, Carson fully commits to his tackle in the video and, as a result, injures his shoulder.
The drama continues into the editing process as both teams face problems: the ladies suffer because they have a worthless leader, and the men struggle because their leader is more like a dictator.
Boardroom #1: Health Segment Review
For the health segment review, the women spend the initial moments kissing each other’s ass, but when the Governator presses, Lisa turns on the group a little, particularly Laila. Chael, as the project manager for the men, is straightforward and direct, although his general “white guy swagger” is grating. Threatening to “chop both their heads off later” is overkill and just unnecessary.
The folks at Welch’s gave good and bad feedback to both teams, but ultimately, the women wind up winning the Welch’s challenge, finally. What a relief. If they had lost this one too,The Celebrity Apprentice would just be too sad to watch.
The boys, so unsettled at a loss, begin to turn on each other. Chael stomps his foot and throws Ricky under the bus for disagreeing with him way back in the planning stage. He characterizes Ricky as “turning on me.” Sheesh. Stop your crying and accept somebody else’s opinion.
Boardroom #2: Viral Video Review
Arnold starts this review with a little concern for Carson, whose arm is in a sling. This is the first time Carson’s taken down a professional athlete on the field. Brooke characterizes Snooki’s performance as “Nicole was just Nicole and she’s been consistent throughout the competition.” That means she’s consistently sucked.
Matt is very diplomatic in his recall of the challenge, but George takes issue when Matt says he threw a fit. That doesn’t stop the men from winning the King’s Hawaiian challenge and celebrating accordingly.
Goodbye, Eric Dickerson. Get to the chopper. (Is Celebrity Apprentice committed to this tagline because it feels super embarrassing to type it every time.) After missing the second challenge in the premiere, the Governator feels like Eric should have come back swinging, and his nonchalant attitude isn’t enough to keep him around.
And you too, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, can get to the chopper. You’ve been terminated after a long-winded pep talk from Arnold, telling her how awesome she was and how far she’s come. A bit of a mixed message, but it’s the right call.
The Shameless Corporate Product Placement
Welch’s grape juice is apparently rebranding as “healthy” and “nutritious,” so they’re using Celebrity Apprentice as an opportunity to not only sell us their grape drink but also to sell a load of bullshit by suggesting there is anything “nutritious” about their juice.
King’s Hawaiian is branching out into other things besides baked goods. This is apparently news and we need to know more about it. Thank goodness we have the willing contestants of The Celebrity Apprenticeto educate us about another condiment we can put in the door of our fridge and forget all about.
The Need-to-Know Drama
Here’s where we’ll keep a tally of the running drama over the course of the season, including the spats, the catfights and all the shade that gets thrown around the boardroom.
Laila isn’t a silly person, and her super serious personality just sucks the fun out of everything. Yes, the ladies won, but Laila ain’t here for “personal issues, defensiveness or bad attitudes.” What a boring-ass show that would be if she got her wish. Ironically, Laila’s “shut it down” philosophy is what’s stirring everybody up.
Lisa feels like a victim, and now we hate her for all her complaining. She thinks she gets blamed for everything, and somebody needs to tell her that nobody likes a whiner. She and Porsha have butted heads the entire time, and this feud has the potential to blow up big.
Can the women’s team recover from so many losses? What should they do to be better as a team? Let us know what you think in the comments section below.
The Celebrity Apprentice airs Mondays at 8/7c on NBC.