If you don’t mind hearing about rejuvenating lady bits but enjoy watching middle aged housewives pretend to not hate each other, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills does not disappoint in this episode, “Amnesia Appetizers.” Maybe it’s the Botox or the endless sunshine, but the Beverly Hills ladies are the classiest catfighters around.
Dorit made her mark in Beverly Hills with “Pantygate” in the previous episode, but it doesn’t seem like she can let sleeping panties lie. She’s rubbing everyone the wrong way, and the worst part is that she doesn’t even realize how obnoxious she is being.
Judgments Made at Dorit’s Dinner Party
It’s taken me five episodes, but it’s decided: Dorit is awful. She is pretentious and unashamed at her materialism. It’s like she doesn’t even realize what kind of women are at home watching this show. It’s probably not women who boast about coming from a long line of party hostesses and insist “the right people” be at their party. The “right people” apparently include Eliot Mintz and his bougie, 1%, arm-chair mysticism. Weirdo.
Don’t get me wrong, she looks amazing, and I secretly hate her for that body, four months postpartum. But I’m openly hating on her for her judgy ways and mean girl strategy of friendship. PK is no better. They gang up on Lisa Rinna about her feud with Vanderpump, grilling her about the effect of her grief on the spot.
Everybody knows Rinna can’t hold her own, and without backup, she was a deer caught in the glare of the bazillion dollar orchids. PK is a pushy know-it-all who knowingly stared at Erika’s secret square in the previous episode and then, this time, evaluates the merits of Rinna and Eileen’s grief.
Rinna is a Star and Just Can’t Help Herself
Rinna and Erika head to work out at a gym owned by Vidal Sassoon’s daughter, Eden. There’s no real reason they need to go to a celebrity gym, except that they’re rich and like to be surrounded by other rich people. They do happen to wander by the place where Harry met Lisa, and their meet-cute is a bit anti-climactic. She worked at the store where he bought his glasses.
Later, at a lunch with Eden, Rinna’s head practically explodes over a compliment from Vidal Sassoon’s daughter. Eden suggests she never change her hair, and audiences collectively disagree. Good for Rinna, though. She really needs that kind of validation, and coming from someone that fame-adjacent means a lot to her.
Vanderpump and Kyle Talk Maintenance — And Not for Their Cars
Kyle and Vanderpump are pretty honest about what the pressure is like in Beverly Hills, and it seems like their vaginas aren’t exempt. They head to the plastic surgeon to get their faces zapped because aging is actually illegal in Beverly Hills. While there, however, they learn that there are other things that are available to be zapped. In case Vanderpump or Kyle ever feel like their Anastasia Beaverhousens are a little worse for the wear, there’s a procedure for that, and it includes an anatomically correct wand.
RHOBH Constantly Rubs Kyle and Mauricio’s Perfect Life in Our Faces
We get it, okay. Mauricio is handsome, successful and hopelessly devoted to his family. We don’t need endless scenes of he and Kyle canoodling, talking about their love and counting their money. Unless they are setting us up for an infidelity storyline later on, they can just chill with all the happy couple stuff. We want drama and heartbreak.
Eileen Acts Like a Grown-Up While Dorit Acts Like a Petulant Toddler
Eileen sits down with Dorit to have an adult conversation about all the gossip from the dinner party. After an endless game of telephone, Eileen tries to tell her what she heard from Rinna, but Dorit forms a convenient case of amnesia. She says she doesn’t remember. Really, that’s her story. Eileen, a fully formed emotional creature, just stares in disbelief trying to sort out what to say next.
Dorit has the audacity to act indignant at Eileen. How dare someone have a rational, logical conversation about a misunderstanding? No. Everyone should just flit through life on six-inch heels with a bogus accent, acting like the rules of common decency and courtesy don’t apply to them.
The Ladies Ruin Camille’s Luncheon with Their Personalities
Of course, Dorit has to set the tone by throwing shade on Erika’s singing career. She calls it “a hobby” and says she’s too reserved to be an entertainer. She continues to shove her foot into her mouth as she acts so superior and above everyone. We only get to see about half of Camille’s lunch, but I can’t wait to see everyone stop being so polite and tell Dorit to shove off.
What did you think of all the drama? Do you think Dorit can fit in with the other women? Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills season 7 airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo.
(Image courtesy of Bravo)